INTRO

Hey My name is Hilary. I am writing this blog for my final english project! I hope you can tell this blog is just for fun! I used the voice of different people in society and how they view women in the kitchen ! Warning: written in a sarcastic tone, not meant to be offensive. :)

Men Who can Cook are HOT

Men who can cook are attractive. This is because they are genuine and really care about their women. They are the best guys. They love women so much. Gordan Ramsay is an example of a man who can cook. Look how hot he is. He is a professional cook and has the show called “Hell’s kitchen”. He has published numerous books and has more than one TV show. He also owns numerous numbers of restaurants around the world and has a successful marriage. Damn, he’s taken! You know if your man really loves you if he wants to cook for you. A man who can cook is always worth keeping. If you are sick, he can make you some soup. If your man cannot cook, make sure he can at least fix a car or the house. If he can’t do this, he is a L-o-s-e-r!

A Women's Bible : Cookbook

A cookbook is like a bible to women. It guides her through her destiny; to cook for man. Without a cookbook, a women would be lost. I am going to review some cookbooks so that we know which cookbooks are legit and which are imposters.


1) The complete Meat cookbook by Bruce Aidells.

This cookbook is great! Everybody knows that men love meat. Girls, do you need to spice up your relationship? Cook your man some meat! Buy this book! This cookbook will tell you how to cook and carve meat. A women can use the recipes in here to impress her boo. Additionally ,this cookbook provides a plethora of information on how to cook exotic meat such as veal and lamb. Hint: go cook an exotic meat for your bf. This book is also visually stimulating with multiple illustrations and pictures to keep the women engaged and exited about cooking. Sometimes women are a little scatter brained and the pictures will keep her interested.


2) Veggie works vegan cookbook: Mark W. Rasmussen

This cookbook is an abomination. To start off with, I ask this question. Where is the meat? This cookbook is all about how to cook healthy meals without meat. No meat! What! Not eating meat is not only harmful to our taste buds but also our mans bodies. Think about it, men need protein to survive and to grow. A man works hard at the gym all day to get big, if he does not have his meat he will not grow muscles. This means your man will not be swole! He will be small and unattractive. I actually cooked a recipe from this book. That is how I lost my first bf. He lost his muscles, gagged from the lack of spices and zest of the recipe, and dumped me! DO NOT BUY.

What to Wear in the Kitchen

It is important that a women look good in the kitchen while she cooks. One would not want to think that shamu the whale is cooking their food. I am going to critique some myths and truths of what to wear in the kitchen.

Guy said: Women should wear little in the kitchen.


Verdict: true

Critique – It is true that women should wear as little as possible in the kitchen. This makes perfect sense. Cooking requires women to run around the kitchen collecting supplies. Cardio. It also requires women to pick up and move pots and pans as well as stir. Weightlifting. As you can see; cooking is a workout. One would not wear a sweatshirt to the gym.

Girl said: This is cute –


Verdict – faulse

Critique – First of all this cooking outfit has pants on it. This will make a woman sweaty and she will feel sweaty and gross. Also, it does not show off women’s curves. Perhaps, if a girl wants guy to dump her – she should wear this.

Guy said: a girl should wear something like this in the kitchen
Verdict – True

Critique - This outfit is a perfect example of what to wear in the kitchen. The legs and arms are exposed so that the girl will not get hot and sweat in the food. Also, this outfit has an apron. If a girl needs to wipe her hands after making a sandwich she can do so without reaching for a paper towel. Not only does this outfit have breathing room and an apron but a hat as well. This is a chefs hat and what professional people wear. It will protect her hair. If you don’t look good in this outfit I suggest you stop eating the food you should be cooking for your boyfriend.

Bitch, Go make me a sandwich.

What do you call a women who can’t make a sandwich: Single
facebook page - girls LOOK!

- This face book page is spot on. If a girl cannot make a sandwich she will be forever single. This page is so helpful letting women know what they need to do to get a bf. I found peoples comments on this page to be very insightful and informative. For example, I learned that men sometimes like their sandwiches cut into triangles. Also, over 137,000 people like this page meaning that it must be a fact that if a women cant make a sandwich, she will be single.


The sandwich


Girls need to learn how to make the perfect sandwich. If they don’t learn how, they will forever be single. I mean, what kind of a women can’t do something as simple as making her man a sandwich? Come on.

Ok, let’s go through the steps of sandwich making.

1) First step is to ask your man what he wants his sandwich to be consist of. Now girls, this is important; only ask him once! Once he tells you what he wants in his sandwich, memorize it! Only ask him once for two reasons. One, because guys are too stupid to remember anything. He will only be able to tell you once. And two; don’t think you can be annoying and insist on nagging him about how he likes his sandwich; he will find another girl who can remember.

2) Second step is to get along already and make the damn sandwich! While you are reading this trying to figure out how to make the sandwich he is probably getting angry you are taking so long! Hurry up! So, go to the kitchen and make his sandwich using the ingredients he told you he wanted. Make sure to use plenty of meat! Also, if he doesn’t want crust on his sandwich you better take off the crust! ! !

3) Next, you need to cut the sandwich. You can cut it in half, quarters or triangles.

4) Last step is to plate the sandwich. Simply set the sandwich on a plate and go bring it to him! He will probably be watching T.V. because he is lazy, so don’t bother him. Now, if he is watching football or playing a video game then set the food now beside him and slowly tip-toe away. I would suggest bringing a paper towel along with the sandwich. Guys have no manners and the paper towel will help minimize mess from the sandwich, although regardless it is your job to clean up after him. If he is watching T.V after he spills his food, don’t turn on the vacuum!

I must not be a Women

I can’t cook. I must not be women. I am not worthy of a man’s love. Let me share with you some degrading moments in my cooking career. First personal failure: cookies. I wanted to make cookies for my class. Simple right? Women can cook dessert. If you can’t cook dessert, you must be a man. So, I spend my lunch period in my kitchen eager to make the perfect cookies; to prove myself women. Exited, I brought them to class. Passed them out. Nobody touched them. I then proceeded to look at the cookies and I realized why; I added too much baking soda, and I forgot to stir the ingredients together. Pieces of yellow egg and white baking soda were sticking out of my cookies. Second personal failure; eel. For class everybody was to make food. I choose eel. I thought by making an exotic dish I could prove myself a women. Women can make exotic dishes. But not only did it taste disguising it also sent the most popular boy the bathroom. As you can see, I cannot cook. I must not be women.


If a person cannot cook, they must be a man. That is not to say men can’t cook. But all women can cook. If you think you are a women but find you regularly set toaster ovens on fire, you may want to look below. Perhaps your food turns to ash whenever you cook. I urge you then to make sure your name is “Roberta” and not “Roberto”. If you insist you are a women but regularly set off all the fire alarms in the house, take a journey with me as I explore how to be the perfect women. For my next 3 blogs we will talk about sandwiches, clothing and cookbooks.

YES, yes my cookies did look like this.

Women Belong in the Kitchen

Women belong in the kitchen. They have since cave men days. Before we had agriculture, we had hunting- gathering societies. Women in those days had two ways of gaining respect; gathering food or .. well you get the point. The emergence of agriculture was like a godsend to poor women and a plague to the rich. This is because poor girls got to stay in heaven. Aka the kitchen. Upper class women were alienated from the kitchen because they had servants. Their men believed their only concern should be to carry their children! Can you believe that? Go poor people! Now let’s talk about the American housewife who emerged after World War 2. She was like “ omg so many new appliances blenders, toasters and microwaves! I just want to stay in the kitchen all day long”. I’m thinking “that’s right, because that’s where you belong”.


Girls, do you agree that women belong in the kitchen? Present day we have this new strain of mutated women called sexists. They are endangering the well being of women. They say women are no longer expected to stay in the kitchen. In fact, they say that women should not be in the kitchen! That it is degrading! Personally, I believe that women should know how to cook. There are some traditions that are just nice. Women cook. Men do maintenance.

FOR THE SEXIST WOMEN IN THE HOUSE

So all the girls in the house who think its “sexist” to say that women belong in the kitchen, please read on. I tell you this; cooking gives women power! Men think they have the power over us, but they don’t. We can poison their food if we want. One of my favorite movies is called Deadly Delicious. In the movie, two women find out that their man is cheating so they poisoned his food to make him sick! Women have the power. Now do you want to be in the kitchen?

Deadly Delicious Trailer

This movie is about a Chinese man named Jiaqiao who suspects his two lovers may know each other when he realizes his hair is thinning and he is getting sick.